Drink coffee and pretend you understood “Citizen Kane”: Humor writer Sarah Hutto has some advice for you in her New Yorker piece, Eight Habits of Highly Successful People You Can Try Today. From “The best way to get some politics is from the comment sections under controversial articles,” to “You can find people with whom you can have a relationship on dating apps, or, if you’re a thrill seeker, also occasionally in actual life. But heads up: you cannot swipe left in real life, so always be ready to change towns if need be,” this one is a pretty good Friday morning laugh.

Note: Some of us around here actually like Citizen Kane, though expectations for those who haven’t seen it may have been built up too much for a fair assessment. So please don’t feel like you are being targeted for scorn; we’re right there with you.